Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
