i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
