brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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