I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
