After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
