i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
