it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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