Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
