Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
