you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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