We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
