Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
