the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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