does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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