She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
