9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
