I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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