He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
