I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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