there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
a search helicopter?!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
