why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
