she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
