It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
