how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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