I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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