Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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