I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
