I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
