Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
