He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
