My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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