He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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