Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is it penis luge time yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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