why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
