i was born a porn star she said
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
