He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
