i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I did not marry a roomba.
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