I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
