im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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