I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
