The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
