she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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