It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
