it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
