What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just took my morning after pill in the library
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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