Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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