What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
