Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
