please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
