so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
