you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
