Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
