Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
