Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
