I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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