I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
