I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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