u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
