Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
