Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
