gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
