i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
