I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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