Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize