apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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