is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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