I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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