Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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