Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
