The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize