Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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