And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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