You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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