Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize