the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
