Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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