First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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