I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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