Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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