Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
oh god was she eating orange peels again
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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