The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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