i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
