dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
