Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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