it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
